White-Knuckled Grip

Sometimes I don't love change. I just want to hold onto what I know with all my might. Changes in life often mean a familiar battle between desperately wanting to clutch onto the known and releasing your hands to receive the new unknown. Change, while most of the time good, is hard. Making a move, getting married, having babies, I imagine, and even little changes all bring excitement and uncertainty.

In our story, we are having to give up a lot of knowns for the unknown. For me, anxiety has reared its ugly little head and tried to snatch up my joy in this time of anticipation and prepping. Anxiety and worry are mean. They just are. They whisper little "what ifs" and "what about thats" and do everything they can to distract from truth and joy.

I like to think that I am a fairly laid-back, adaptable person. I have traveled before and I know how to pack a backpack with the best of them. But I have also been comfortable. And I like being comfortable. I am realizing, too, that I like being in control. In this time of transition there have been some distinct moments of wanting to throw a pretty good tantrum- I don't want to give up what I know. I don't want to give up control. Wah, wah, wah.

Now that I am, once again, being nudged out of my comfort zone, being asked to give up control, I have to start practicing looking at the next step in front of me instead of looking backwards at my cozy comfortable yesterday. Change is important.

In her book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown (one of my favs), writes, "We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time." Our year after marriage has been such a gift. It was a needed time of rest and peace and comfort. But now we are being called to take courage. To step out, to let go. To not be afraid and to fight fear and worry and anxiety with truth that we are called and equipped.

The truth is that this adventure, this life, our story are so much bigger than just us. Our God has things for us to do, people to meet, a purpose and his vision for us to receive. We just have to let go and take a step, hands wide open.

So today, in the midst of transition from known to not-yet-had adventures and stories, I choose courage and to release my grip to be ready to grasp whatever is in store.